sitting here

sitting here, just smoking cloves,
thinking of loves, writing some poems.

this poem isnt for anyone special,
thinking of no one in particular

i'm just thinking, its all i can do
cuz my past includes, only you.

and you are all that meant to me
and i am me because of you

and you had such an influence on my life
i wanted each and every, for a wife.

but now i sit cuz i lost them all,
and finally can i leave this hell.

and with it, i leave my past,
and my memories wont last.

so as i leave, i fade away,
with nothing else to you to say.

i begin to foget all the past times
and all the times we've dined.

but my memories come back to me,
and my hatred builds up from thee.

so each memory meets the flame
and all my memories that came,

catch on fire, and burn away.
so now i foget with each passing day,

cuz nothing is left as a reminder,
and for the future, i can't find her.

hopefully, the future can find an us
and we can live together without a fuss,

but that is looking kind of hazy
cuz i seem to be going really crazy

and i know i will gain this bliss
that for so long i have missed.

and so with each passing night out here
that i have spent within this year

has helped me stay sane and calm,
even when i say out till dawn.

just draining my thoughts a helping hand
for me to see the man i am,

or the man i want to be again
and again and again and again.

the coldness no longer irks myself
cuz i feel the same inside me.

and one day, after enough time,
i will warm up, and take inside,

the love i needed and always lacked
to win your heart, a simple fact.

so now that you are missing
noone soon will i be kissing.


09dec00

with each drink

with each drink i drink
my brain eases and the less i think
of how we were, and what we'll be

and i know, i need some more
and each day is more of a bore
without the likes of you here.

and so i drink to get drunk,
to drown my misery, how i'm stuck
thinking of you, and only you.

i want to tell you i love you,
but cant, so drinking is all i do
to keep my thoughts away from you.

the alcohol is taking over in my head,
and i long for sleep, but you're not in my bed
tonight, i know, and you'll never again.

but one more drink is all i need
and my thoughts get hazy, and i heed
the warnings of the past, that stay forever.

and with my final drink now,
i'm passing out, thinking of how
i loved you, and always will.

Calm and Serene

I sit here alone and think
and into my thoughts i sink.

as cold as i may be,
the wind blows through this tree.

the tree is still, and only sways
each time the wind blows all ways.

all calm, and totally serene,
are the trees and i want to be.

my hand although is heavy with anguish
so overwhelming, only thoughts should perish.

but i stay here still, calming my nerves
want to be like the trees smoking some cloves

licking my lips, and tasting the sweetness
of serenity and striving for bliss.

and my head remains to you unseen
and i long t be calm and serene.